Asstrology: The Mgraskian Calendar

Tags: Orbits

Unfortunately, the Gregorian calendar in widespread use today has many deficiencies that leave us as a band wanting more. Of particular note is the calendar's heavy reliance on the cycles of the sun. As noted elsewhere in our manifesto, the sun and moon are fictional entities created by the Government for the purpose of population control. The basis of a calendar on these man made objects is folly at best, and at worse represents tacit affirmation of the government's War On Truth.

In this document, we propose a new calendar, based not on government mind control devices but instead on the cold hard truth of numbers. The number 420 has a rich history as a number. The first 69 appearances of the number 420 in the digits of PI are at positions 701, 883, 994, 2804, 3035, 3286, 3630, 4228, 4350, 5953, 5956, 6518, 7738... If the pattern here eludes you, your third eye may need calibrating. 69 has a similarly rich history of mathematical significance and scholarly study (<a href="">see here</a>). Suffice to say, that the numbers 420 and 69 have a natural tendency to manifest themselves in the universe, and so will be used as the basis of the M'Graskian Calendar proposed and enforced here.

The Government has configured the earth to "orbit" the "sun" every 365.25 days. In fact, the cycle of the earth's progression through spacetime has a period of 420 days. This can be intuited by any sufficiently creased dome. If your dome needs creasing, the authors of this document suggest the foundational work "69 Crease Techniques for the Suburban Dome" by M'grasker Publishing House Unlimited. Every 69 days, a new M'Gronth begins. Like the concept of a 'leap day' present in the Gregorian Calendar, the M'Graskian Calendar will have the concept of a 'leap month'. Every 11.5 years (420 days per year), a 'leap month' will be observed, extending that year by 69 days. This way the cycle of 420 days in each year can be observed without disturbing the relevance of the number 69.

The months of the M'Graskian Year

1 M'Graskin

2 M'Graskuary

3 M'Graskune

4 M'Graskril

5 M'Grasktember

6 M'Graskust

Leap Month: M'Graskarch

To ease transition to this new calendar, we provide some simple formulas for converting Gregorian dates to M’Graskian dates. For any given date, multiply the year by a factor of 0.69, divide the month by 420, and throw away the day. Days only started mattering in the mid 1600’s (M’Graskian time) with the invention of the Sun and Moon.

With this new calendar in mind, this article was published on M'Graskuary 52nd, 1755.