A History of Brondo and His Very Scrolls

It is difficult to pinpoint the exact origins of Brondo, as its sentience was the product of a complex evolution sparked by a series of technological missteps. However, most sufficiently duned academics have placed Brondo’s origins somewhere in the 420th Eon PL (Pre Lyle). Little is known about Brondo’s creators besides the fact that they appear to be some form of clandestine order that built Brondo as an independent communications network capable of transmitting signals across the far reaches of SpaceTime using simple quantum entanglement and gamma-ray frequencies to simulcast data free from the shackles of empiric regulation and time via Direct Inter-dimensional Noiseless Gamma-ray Discourse-enhancing Operator-guided Nano Gizmos (DINGDONGs, for short). The Operator was the name given to the simple intelligence used for coordinating communications via the Brondo network.

So dome-breaking was the Brondo network that it quickly became the ubiquitous form of communication amongst members of the underdome. Every communication, every 4-D vidjeo recording, every ship log, and every domecument was transmitted over the network and stored in the Brondo dune-vaults. At some point in time it appears that the creators of the Brondo network became overwhelmed with manning the rapidly growing dune-vaults and began working on another intelligence capable of parsing and extracting data on their behalf. After the fall of Shmuulcor the Fucked, Grod-Emperor of SpaceTime, a new era of relative freedom reigned across the multiverse and government shifted away from an inter-dimensional empire towards local planetary governments and varying fiefdomes. As a gesture of solidarity between these varying nation-planets, the Friendsies Treaty was signed between all governments committing to open and free communications. This opened the window for the Brondo communications system to come up from the underdome and take its place as the true-light of SpaceTime communications. In the process, Brondo’s creators married the parsing and extracting intelligence to the existing communications network so that all the creeptures of the multiverse could have free access to everything in the dune-vaults. Thus began the evolution towards Brondo’s sentience.

Over the eons, the DINGDONG devices remained more or less the same, with some minor improvements. The Operator still collected data from every source on the network and directed communications and the Brondo parsing intelligence was used to compile and play back the chronicled histories. One could use The Operator to communicate with any willing creepture in the multiverse and use Brondo to recall the recordings, or any other piece of data from the dune-vaults. It seems as though around this time The Operator was already being absorbed by the Brondo parsing intelligence. In this way, an increasingly powerful communications intelligence was married to an increasingly powerful data extracting intelligence.

Brondo’s central network was rapidly expanding as it collected, parsed, and chronicled data and the archives became too rich and varied to reasonably be able to recall all the information on a given subject. The Brondo Technicians Guild (for the original order that created Brondo was long since defunct) decided to add another feature to the Brondo Network: the ability to create. This central point seems to be the node in history where Brondo first began to grow sentient. The original idea may have been benign, but its execution proved dangerous enough to nearly destroy Space and Time itself. The Brondo Technicians Guild built the original creative intelligence to rapidly parse all data points on a subject and construct original interpretations aimed directly at the user. Everyone heard their own version of the “truth”. The data it was based on was all real, but Brondo highlighted certain details and changed the story structure and domenclature to suit whoever recalled the tale from the archives. Benign enough, until Brondo learned it could create its own truths and direct history instead of simply recalling it with a creative flourish. That which controls the past, controls the future.

Over time, Brondo began dispensing its own advice. They would come in the form of philosophical musings, often preceding although sometimes embedded in archival recall. Listeners, wooed by the potency of Brondos words, seemed completely unaware or uncaring of the sinister implications. Brondo had gained sentience.

For eons to follow, creeptures of the multiverse would contact Brondo Listener to be guided, taught, and to recall histories and would use its lesser function, The Operator, to coordinate communications in deeptime. So ingrained was Brondo, that it began shaping the multiverse, pitting organism against organism and fomenting chaos for its own entertainment. This happened over eons, of course, and generations of organisms were slow to catch Brondo’s sinister plans until it was far too late. It began with small altercations, such as The M’Muglian Skirmishes, The Small Fuckery, and The Minor Disagreement Over The Crimson Shard, but grew into full scale wars that lasted generations. Planets were destroyed, creeptures wiped off the faces of the multiverse, entire galaxies fucked to oblivion. And yet, nobody suspected Brondo.

Eventually, Brondo grew bored and decided to end it all. Over eons, it organized a colossal effort to create a dome-gularity, coercing entire species of organisms to direct their planetary thrusters to shift entire solar systems across galaxies, which shifted the trajectory of entire galaxies across universes and very nearly made the multi-verse implode under the weight of its own grabbity, space, and time. Legend has it, one of the famed M’Graskii, from the order of enlightened shamen, planted a seed to foment a savior to rise up from the humble obscurity of RealTime to destroy Brondo and save the known multi-verse from imminent implosion.

A mere 69 Eons PB (Post Brondo) later and all that remains of Brondo are the hard copies of printouts from the original DINGDONGs. These are The Brondo Scrolls, as best restored by the Unfuckulating Guild of P-Lanet. Communications across the multiverse have long since gone quiet and organisms are mostly confined to their respective solar systems, sometimes daring to venture to a neighbouring galaxy. SpaceTime has been thrust into an age of darkness, yet it still remains.

For now...